Brain health · Sanctum

Lost identity behind the mask

After a lifetime of becoming whoever each situation needed, you are not sure who you actually are. Asked what you like, what you want, what you believe, and you reach for an answer that does not come, because you have spent so long reading the room and being what fits.

When masking starts young and never stops, the real self gets buried under the performance. It is not that there is no one there. It is that the self has had to stay hidden for so long, and managing everyone else’s expectations has crowded out the quiet question of what you actually feel.

Because you function and adapt so well, no one sees the cost, and the loss of self gets mistaken for being easy-going or low-maintenance. The emptiness underneath, the sense of performing a life rather than living one, goes unspoken.

We treat the lost sense of self as meaningful, because it is often what years of masking leave behind, and naming it is part of finding your way back. None of this is a diagnosis. It is what we explore with you.

Written by Dr Asad RaffiConsultant Psychiatrist · Founder & Medical Director