Brain health · Sanctum

Crushed by being told off

A telling-off does not just sting, it shatters. Any correction is heard as ‘you are bad’, any criticism is taken as proof of something deep and shameful, and a child this young is already saying they are stupid, or useless, or that nobody likes them.

This is the early shape of rejection sensitivity. A brain that feels criticism more intensely, layered onto a child who is told off more often than their peers without understanding why, quickly builds a belief that they are the problem. The reaction is not manipulation or drama. It is a small person genuinely overwhelmed.

Because the response looks out of proportion, it gets met with more correction, which deepens the very wound causing it. The low self-worth gets missed because everyone is focused on the behaviour, not the child underneath it.

We pay close attention to how a child takes criticism, because it tells us a great deal about what is going on and how much it is already costing them. None of this is a diagnosis. It is what we explore with you.

Written by Dr Asad RaffiConsultant Psychiatrist · Founder & Medical Director