Every condition fields its symptoms.

All 32 squads, lined up four-three-three. Each player is one of the team's real clinical features, the captain is its hallmark, and there's always a striker or two of genuine strength. Pick a side.

Footballers walking out of a floodlit stadium tunnel onto the pitch — Out of the tunnel. **Thirty-two sides** and one umbrella.

Overhead view of two teams drawn as glowing nodes linked like a neural network — **Eleven features.** One connected side.

Affectionate, not diagnostic. The "players" are recognised features of each condition, simplified and softened for a joke that is meant with warmth, not mockery. Several entries sit on the neurodiversity umbrella by convention rather than clinical agreement. Nothing here is a substitute for assessment.